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Mission Control: Finding Kidneys, Matchmaking Embryos, and Dodging Creepy Carnival Rides
What is your mission? If you were hoping for a blog about rocket ships and intergalactic exploration, you’ve come to the wrong place—but stay with me, because my “Mission” is no less ambitious. It’s a little more down-to-earth (literally), though it does involve some serious science, heartfelt matchmaking, and a hopeful dash of mashed potatoes.…
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Norovirus: The Party Crasher That Hits You Both Ends
So the shivering shits have graced our house with their presence—darkened our doorstep, stomped in uninvited, and made themselves right at home. Lovely. My spouse, who undergoes dialysis three days a week (a grown-up version of preschool complete with the germ buffet), usually avoids the plague thanks to excellent hygiene, mask-wearing, and all that jazz.…
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Colostrum? Really? Ick.
Ah, yes, because who doesn’t wake up thinking, “You know what my diet’s missing? First-milk mystery goo!” But hey, slap a ™ on it and suddenly it’s a superfood. 400+ functional nutrients, you say? That’s great, but I’ll pass on turning my morning smoothie into a science experiment. If I wanted to drink something optimized…
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I Just About Pee’d My Pants
Oh my god – this is like living a bad soap . So get this – cardiology wanted my weight, before I’m admitted to the hospital, and naturally, I was thrilled—because nothing says “great day” like confronting the scale. I step on, and this traitorous piece of tech has the nerve to talk. “Hello,” it…
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Reflecting on being high and a woman of a certain age
OK, let’s get one thing straight: I’m high. Legally high. No shady back-alley deals, no sneaky puff-puff-pass situations. Just me and my doctor-prescribed Ativan. Honestly, it’s the best kind of high because (1) I’m not breaking the law, and (2) I don’t have to worry about accidentally showing up on the evening news with a…
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I Hate Everybody Today (Mostly)
There. I said it. I own it. Everybody can take a one-way trip to hell, and I’ll personally wave them goodbye. Preferably with a middle finger. Here’s the deal: today was supposed to mark the beginning of my chemical cardioversion—a fancy medical process that, for once, I was actually looking forward to because it might…