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The Day After…
Yesterday was hard. Really hard. The kind of day that just knocks the wind out of you. I am genuinely grateful that today is Friday because I needed the break in energy. I cry so much these days that I’m thinking I need one of those “It’s been __ days since our last accident” signs.…
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What traditions have you not kept that your parents had? What traditions have I not kept that my parents had? Well, let’s start with the culinary crimes. I do not, under any circumstances, eat oyster stew on Christmas Eve. That tradition died a noble, slippery death. I’m sorry, but slurping down a hot bowl of…
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What job would I do for free?
What job would you do for free? Easy. Professional cuddler of baby animals. I’m talkin’ full-time snuggler to cows, kittens, puppies, and beluga whales (yes, I will require scuba gear and yes, I will be that weird woman cooing underwater). I want my business cards to say Certified Moo Whisperer & Aquatic Cuddle Specialist. I’ll…
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Words I Would Ban
If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why? “Moist” is a universal menace, “pus” and “phlegm” are biological crimes against the English language, and “Donald Trump”—well, that one might just be an act of public service. Imagine a world where instead of “moist,” we say “pleasantly damp”…
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Aging. Injury. Chronic Illness. Menopause. Relationships. The Generation Gap. They Can All Kiss My Ass.
You’re Number One—Not Really. (And Other Lessons from a Bad Brain Day) Let me start by saying: today is a bad brain day. (The summer I took a spectacularly ungraceful dive onto concrete, smacking my head so hard I’m still finding tiny gravel bits in my forehead like it’s some weird skincare routine. It’s giving…
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The Good, The Meh, The Bad & The Ugly: Life After the Fall
*I experienced a head injury in July of 2023 my thoughts up until now. November 6, 2023 Broadcasting Live from Head Injury Central Let me start with a fact: I was born dramatic. My mom will tell you I came out of the womb with flair—probably throwing jazz hands. Think Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way,”…
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Parents of College Freshmen: It’s Going to Be OK (I Know, Because I’ve Been There)
To all you parents who have dropped your kids off at college for the first time: breathe. It’s going to be OK. I promise. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now. I know your stomach is doing backflips, and your brain won’t shut up about all the terrible things that might happen. But…
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Stupid Imposter Syndrome 😒🤯🤬🖕
Imposter syndrome to me feels like standing on the outside of a vast, beautiful world, pressing your hands against the glass and wondering why you’re not inside. I look around and see people who shine—artists working with every imaginable medium, musicians conjuring magic from their instruments, athletes defying human limits, orators moving hearts with their…
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The Talon Brigade
Oh, the talon trend—because who needs basic life skills when you can have claws long enough to rival a velociraptor? Can’t pick your nose, can’t rub your eye, can’t wipe—but sure, keep pretending you can cook or type with those things. And let’s not forget the dirt museum under each nail. But hey, at least…
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When You Are Truly Dull
*** I originally shared this and wrote this for a Facebook group I belong to and boy the comments were all over the map. The comments were worth it all. I had a deep, unshakable craving for popcorn drenched in butter. You know, the kind of craving that says, “Your arteries might not make it,…