I’ve been thinking a lot lately about past relationships.

Some of them? I miss with my whole entire heart—the kind of miss where random songs feel like emotional landmines. Others? I barely remember their last names. A few still leave me confused—why they ended, how they ended, and why closure never showed up like a responsible adult. And then there are the relationships that ended for reasons so obvious they practically came with subtitles. Still, I miss them too. Even the crystal-clear ones.

Hi, I’m PNW Scribbler, and I’m a Closure Girl.

I have always needed closure. Since teenagerhood.

Good closure, bad closure, dramatic crying-in-the-rain closure—I just need the story to end. Neatly. With a bow, preferably. Even if it’s messy, I want it to be intentional messy, not ghosted-in-aisle-seven-at-Target messy.

So naturally, I’ve been noodling on that famous saying:

“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”

Sounds wise, right? Feels profound. Probably stitched on a pillow somewhere.

But what does it really mean?

Wait… What Even Is a Season?

I know football season.

I know Christmas season (aka peppermint-mocha-panic-buying season).

Spring? That’s for planting stuff, hoping it grows, and wondering why it’s still raining in the Pacific Northwest. (Answer: because it’s always raining in the Pacific Northwest.)

Then we’ve got tax season. Barbecue season. Swimsuit season (ugh). The “season of grief.” The “season of rebirth.” The “season of rage-cleaning your kitchen at 3 a.m.”

And now we’ve got women “entering a new season,” which I guess means… menopause? Liberation? Becoming a forest witch with opinions? It’s unclear.

All I know is—“season” is doing a lot of vague metaphoric heavy lifting.

Reason, Season, Lifetime… But What About Closure?

See, no one ever talks about closure when they drop the reason-season-lifetime wisdom bomb.

But for people like me, closure is non-negotiable. When I form a bond—romantic, platonic, in-between-ic—I go all in. I’m loyal to the core. I’ll show up with snacks, tissues, ride-or-die energy, and an emergency playlist. And when those relationships disappear without warning or explanation? It messes me up. I spiral. I replay conversations like a detective with a red string board.

Even walking away from an unhealthy relationship is sad. There’s grieving. There’s longing. There’s that weird ache when you randomly think about the way they used to make you laugh or how you felt when things were good.

Sometimes I want to send a message that just says,

“Hey. Thinking of you. Hope you’re well. Hope you’re thriving. I still love you. No pressure. Just… still here.”

Even the relationships that ended on a sour note—I don’t hate the people. I hate their actions. I hate the pain. But I don’t hate the essence of who they are.

Meet My Ride-or-Dies (I Have Six!)

I know not everyone has ride-or-dies in their life, but I do. I have six: E, N, R, B, L, and C. That’s like a full alphabet of backup.

I trust these people with my life. My medical decisions. My banking passwords. My cats. If I went missing, they’d know where to start looking and bring snacks for the search.

These are my lifetime people. And maybe—just maybe—some of them started out as reasons or seasons, but they grew roots. Deep ones.

But Today, I’m Feeling the Old Ones

Today, I’m thinking about four people from my past.

Not the good ones. The complicated ones.

The ones that didn’t end well.

The ones that maybe never should’ve started.

The ones I was brave enough to walk away from.

And yet… I miss them.

I miss the laughter.

I miss how they made me feel when things were easy.

I miss the magic of the before.

Maybe this is a new season for me—one of reflection and softness. Maybe it’s growth. Maybe it’s hormonal. Who knows?

Do You Ever Think About Them Too?

I’m genuinely curious.

Do you think about your old relationships?

Do you replay conversations? Do you wish things ended differently?

Or are you one of those amazing people who can just walk away—no looking back, no wondering, no checking their social media at 1:04 a.m.?

Sometimes, I envy that.

Sometimes, I wish I didn’t feel things so deeply.

But then again…

Feeling deeply is human.

And weird.

And sacred.

And kind of my superpower.

If You’re Still With Me…

Whether you’re in a season, a reason, or a lifetime kind of relationship—give it your all.

And if something ends without closure? Know that you’re not broken for needing it. You’re just beautifully, achingly human.

And you’re not alone.

– Scribbler 🖤

your slightly unhinged, emotionally over-invested, deeply reflective friend from the Pacific Northwest